Who’s on the track

ORD’s home teams, the Bytown Blackhearts and Capital Carnage, are like sisters: they share an arena, practice and train together, combine fundraising, share clothes. But like all sisters, things can get competitive. Regular scrimmages and bouts help keep harmony.

Team members are drawn from the Chaos Crew, the group of new skaters working toward their minimum skills.

In 2011, our skaters are competing under the ORD banner.

Team ORD

Amanda  181 

I skate under my real name. Wanna make something of it?

Atlantic Slammin’ 742

Loves getting a good hit in, long baths, wiener dogs, Jaymz Blond’s ass, and Xavier. Hates seeing a jammer fly by me, Bruce Willis, indifference, uppity folks, and the movie Serendipity. Most likely to fall while standing still and get up laughing.

Atlantic Slammin’ migrated to the Ottawa Valley from the East, leaving her beloved New Brunswick Fundy coastline behind. Feeling like a fish out of water in the guppy/yuppie-filled, conservative capital city, she finally found a group of like-minded ladies at Ottawa Roller Derby.

“This sport has not only allowed me to make some great friends, but has also given me a new type of self confidence and athleticism that I never had before. Learning to skate, bout, and now coach from very basic beginnings makes me certain that I can handle whatever life throws at me – that I can take on more and attain even higher goals.”

Ayn Rancid  13

I would like to tell you that I love ducklings and kitty cats but that would be a lie, in truth I am a ball busting, motorcycle riding, bat outta’ hell that eats your in-laws for breakfast and disobedient children for supper. I will smile while bringing pain to my opponent and be tickled when I am creating mayhem. My name is Rancid for a reason, and the only language I absorb is that of my derby comrades …… Whether I am on my two or four wheels, I wreak havoc down any path I ride!

Betty Stalker  7:25

Charlie Brawn  8246

CRUEL JULES  413

Loves getting in your way, the feeling of a clean hit, energetic fans, laughing so hard that you cry. Hates nearsighted refs, “misplaced” elbows, rude people.

“You may try and knock me down, but I’ll just knock you down harder.”

Hell Rose  7

This architectural technologist (like an architect only without the respect and money) says, “I ride a motorcycle and play roller derby, yeah, I’m kind of a bad ass.”
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H.P. Lovecrash  42

Loves panic, mania, fear. This thing, which seemed instinct with a fearsome and unnatural malignancy, squatted evilly on wheeled blocks covered with indecipherable characters. The aspect of the whole was abnormally lifelike, and the more subtly fearful because her source was so totally unknown. She belonged to something horribly remote and distinct from mankind as we know it; something frightfully suggestive of unhallowed cycles of life in which our conceptions have no part.

pop’EM fresh  3.14

A “nice” Scorpio, she loves slowing or knocking down anyone with a bigger ass than hers, sneaking by anyone with her head in the clouds, and doing off-skate work-outs. Hates getting my wheels and skates stuck up someone’s ass. Most likely to be bitter and splattered all over the track.

Rita Queen of Bleed  20

Robgoblin  99

Loves horror movies, minions, ebay, cocktail dresses. Hates white shoes, boy bands, hammer pants, Twitter. Most likely to eat her young and retire to a non-extradition country.

Robgoblin was born to a mystic wizard and an accountant in 1977. Despite a turbulent childhood and adolescence in Eastern Ontario, Robgoblin emerged into adulthood as a well rounded, albeit slightly belligerent human being. Robgoblin spends her days scouring the country side for souls to feed on and tall boots able to accommodate a large calf.

Strawberry Killcake  12

Sylvia SqWheeler  1174

Tütz Uncommon  32

Loves a practice so tough I can justify an extra bowl of ice cream and a wide open track. Hates uncontrolled elbows and the wrong side of a blocker. Most likely to know all the lyrics to every song on the Cure’s Disintegration.

After an unsuccessful foray into the world of roller skating at the tender age of 12, Tütz was persuaded by fishnets and black eyeliner to give quads one more try… she has never looked back (except to how far behind her you are).

Violent Van Gough  11

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